What does "hard work" mean to you?

Serious question:

What does "hard work" mean to you? Given your personal definition of "hard work," is it something that you value?

I'm not sure I know what to think about "hard work" anymore, because I discovered that my working definition of it is unpleasant. To me, work is hard if I'm doing something I really don't like to do, or if the task at hand is boring or silly. "Silly," in this case, means I'm doing some task that should and could be made more efficient, thus minimizing the amount of energy and attention I need to give to it.

If, on the other hand, I'm interested in the work I'm doing, it doesn't seem "hard." It may be challenging or difficult, certainly, but "hard," to me, has a really negative connotation. And now that we're down to brass tacks, I'll say this: given the context in which many folks seem to use the phrase, "hard work," I think it's intended to have a negative connotation. To me, that's frightening and unfortunate.

Why do we believe that work must involve suffering in order for it to be of value?

I'm sure some of you will read that question and protest, "but I don't." Think about it for a minute, though. My guess is that many of you -- myself included -- have internalized the belief that work is a drag, and if it isn't a drag, it's probably because the worker is either A) lucky, or B) lazy. So we trick ourselves into feeling this sort of grim satisfaction if we've really suffered. It's like a badge of honor or something.

I think that's destructive and sad.

Empower Yourself!

Not About Mindfulness...Or Is It?

My post today was originally going to be a vehicle for me to assert my opinion that mindfulness-based approaches to mental health therapy are superior to other approaches. I was also going to discuss practicing mindfulness in day to day life, lauding its efficacy as a tool of personal development. I was going to say those things, and say them proudly. I still want to, actually, because I believe them to be true. But I'm not going to, because I had one of those head-smacking "OY" moments you have when you realize you've made a rookie mistake.

What was the mistake?

It's simple: I was mistaking my subjective, personal beliefs for objective, generalizable truth. I was projecting my experiences onto you, Dear Reader, and I was going to rubber-stamp it. My bad. I'm glad I didn't go through with it. 

What I'm left with, then, is a mixed-bag perspective, which I will now scribble out in the following paragraphs.

I'm not going to beat myself up for wanting to share my opinion with an authoritative voice. For one, this is "my" blog, you know, and I'm allowed to do that if I want to (hehe). For another, it's perfectly normal to be biased in favor of one's own experiences, perspectives, and beliefs. (Incidentally, as we proceed through life, we tend to embrace information that reinforces our beliefs, and ignore/reject information that contradicts our beliefs -- a phenomenon also known as "confirmation bias.") 

Anyway, our abilities to both communicate our subjective experiences to others, and to consider the subjective experiences of others, are pretty amazing and essential aspects of what it means to be alive. So while the word subjective sometimes carries negative connotations, it really isn't negative at all -- not in essence, anyway. 

To be sure, subjectivity can become quite negative if it isn't acknowledged and accounted for. That is, if one takes one's own perspective to be Absolute Truth, and attempts to impose it on others as such, then the potential for doing harm is very great indeed. Because let's face it: each of us is unique, such that no single perspective could ever hope to resonate with, or be of relevance or use to, ALL of us -- and certainly not in the same way, and certainly not as intended by the original perspective-bearer. 

Consider the religions of the world, for example. Within any given religion, there is a broad range of approaches, and even beliefs, among adherents and clergy: some emphasize ABC, while others emphasize XYZ, while others maybe emphasize Q and P, and a little bit of M. Ya dig what I'm getting at here? 

I'm reminded now of why I loved -- still love -- my grad school training, which culminated in a Master of Social Work (MSW) degree: in it, I was reminded to be aware and respectful of the intrinsic power I hold as a practitioner. To that end, I was reminded to never lose sight of two very important facts: 1) Each of us has the right to self-determination. That is, each of us has the right to do whatever we see fit for ourselves. 2) Each of us is the expert of our own lives. 

Those are incredibly valuable -- and crucial -- things for me to remember as I work on this blog. 

The ideas I share in this space will necessarily be of a subjective nature, you know? They're my ideas -- or, at the very least, they're other people's ideas that I've interpreted through my own life experiences. Do I think they're valuable? You bet I do. Do I think they can help people? Yes indeed. But I strive to remind myself, too, that my ideas won't resonate with everyone, and that, indeed, they aren't even applicable to everyone. 

There's a real freedom, and a real peace, in that. 

Thanks for reading. 

Reframing for Opportunity and Productivity

We all have problems. Some problems are easy to handle: we manage them without distress and move on. Other problems, though, are more difficult. They play on our fears, and they elicit powerful thoughts, impulses, and feelings. The resulting psychological discomfort may tempt us into groping after quick-fix avoidant behaviors which, after all, don't actually help -- and may exacerbate -- the problem. It happens to all of us. As I recently said, none of us is invulnerable in this life. We all have buttons that can be pushed, and life sure as hell pushes them sometimes.

The problem, as I see it, is when we get bogged down and knocked off track by our problems, and especially when we allow our problems to consume us. When things go wrong that really bother us, it's all-too-easy to fall into a pessimistic, angry, and/or victim mentality. The issue with such a mentality, aside from the fact that it exacerbates our suffering, is that it can limit or block altogether our ability to adjust, connect with our goals, and move on.

Pessimism, negativity, anger, and feeling like a victim are normal human experiences, but they are, nevertheless, subjective experiences. Persistent patterns of beliefs in those regards are products of what we call concrete thinking, and its limiting potential is endless -- not a good thing for the intrepid life journeyer. (For illustration, think about the most pessimistic person you know, and recall a conversation with them. If you think about the things they tend to say, you'll probably notice the utter conviction of their views; that is, they firmly, steadfastly believe that their worldview is the way it is, period.) Since persistent negativity is such a powerful experience, though, and since most of us don't necessarily intuitively question our beliefs, it's very tempting to automatically believe and identify with these negative views.

When this happens, and when we are stuck in this type of persistent pattern of thought, we have to recalibrate our thinking in order to truly move on. Fortunately, there's a simple technique -- a simple question -- we can use to help us achieve this aim, and all it requires is a little willpower. Why willpower? Because we will probably discover that negativity has its own allure, and doesn't relinquish control easily. The negativity I'm talking about, after all, is a defense mechanism, and is designed, strange though it may sound, to provide comfort against the pain of disappointment, feeling powerless, and fear. It's kind of like "The Force" in Star Wars: there's a light side and a dark side; the dark side is very powerful and, therefore, tempting -- but it only leads to decay, corruption, slavery, and death. Who needs that? I sure as hell don't. So if we find ourselves succumbing to the gravity of negative thinking, we have to choose something different, and work to make that something different happen.

I digress. The question-thought-technique is simple, and it goes something like this: "Ok, Self, you're miserable. This, this, this, and this are going badly, and everything sucks -- we've established that, right? Right. Ok, let me think...if all this stuff equals misery, and misery equals pain and suffering, then I don't want that, right? Right. So if that's what I don't want...(wait for it)...then what do I want?"

That's it! That's all there is to it! You have to force yourself into thinking about what you want, instead of ruminating perpetually about things you obviously don't. Thinking about what you want unlocks, and allows you to explore, the positive world within yourself, which is where all the good stuff that propels a person in life comes from: hopes, dreams, aspirations, motivation, clarity, passion, and resolve. And the really good news is this: Negative thinking tends to perpetuate more negative thinking, much like a trap, or a downward, never-ending spiral. Positive thinking works on the same self-perpetuating principle, except its results are freedom, joy, and achievement.

Do it up! :)

In and Of a System

Tonight, I'm going to bring you into the mind -- or an excerpt therefrom -- of Yours Truly, on or about June 27th, 2006. Let's dive in:

The bottom line is that many of us humans have done very well by the system as it currently stands, but many, on the other hand, have not. My hypothesis is that education and enlightenment are the primary tools at our disposal to help bring balance to the system. The short-term goal should be to eradicate poverty. The long-term goal should be to evolve humanity toward an unknown and higher moral purpose.

A couple of imprecisions aside, I'm inclined to high-five my younger self, for he was right. And it ties right back into the theme of this blog, of course. Many people with psychiatric-mental-psychological (whatever you want to call them) disorders tend to fall squarely into the latter category of my first (referenced) sentence up there. Rampant individualism, so sexy and influential in empowered American culture, has tipped the scales of our cultural rhetoric and policy from the compassionate to the draconian. We are quick to blame others for their station in life, for their financial difficulties, and for their impaired mental status; but we are loathe to consider the devastating impacts of intergenerational poverty, illiteracy, lack of education, lack of nutrition, abuse, neglect, trauma, biology, etc. Worse yet, while working ourselves up into a lather of righteous indignation -- "I worked my fingers to the bone to get where I am! I had to overcome so much!" -- we tend to completely ignore the many privileges of our birth that have directly or indirectly made manifest our happier station in life.

I'm grateful for my station in life, and I hope you are, too. I think it's incumbent on us all, though, to approach one another with compassion. And my dream is that our system ultimately reflects that.

"Think globally, act locally."
"Be the change you want to see in the world."

Proceed!

I have another question for you, and this time it's related to resilience. We all experience disappointment; it's an inevitable part of life. Disappointment can be pretty big, as when a relationship fails, or we don't get the interview we wanted, or the purchase or sale of a home falls through. Disappointment can also be on a smaller scale: that movie you wanted to stream is only available on DVD, or the grocery store is out of your favorite flavor of ice cream. 

Whether on a big or small scale, disappointments can be disruptive. They can throw us for a loop, knock us off course, and put us in a negative frame of mind. With enough disappointment, it can sometimes feel as if the universe is conspiring against you, and the way forward, once so seemingly clear, can become hazy and uncertain. Our thinking may become muddled, and we may second-guess ourselves. 

These downward spirals can be difficult to overcome, especially when life -- pesky!! -- doesn't stop to give you a breather. Nope! Life moves on, obligations and all, whether you feel like you're ready or not. My question, then, is this:

How do you get yourself past the inevitable disappointment(s)? Or, put another way, what does resilience "look like" to you?

Enjoy your weekend. 

Beliefs, and Pessimism<----->Optimism

I think that our beliefs about ourselves and our external reality (i.e., the world), whether based in fact or fiction, or rational or irrational processes, go a long way toward determining the course of our lives. These beliefs, if not at the very core of our mind-oriented processes, are embedded deep enough within us as to usually be implicit; that is, these beliefs occupy a domain which usually lies outside our conscious processes, thereby influencing our conscious processes from some deeper, somewhat murky position. (Apologies to Freud and his disciples.)

In general, I'm very interested in the nature of people's beliefs as a point of interest. But beliefs become, to my way of thinking, a potentially very important focal point for consideration if a person is having difficulty in their life. Now, it's important, perhaps, for you to know that I tend to view many aspects of existence and behavior as being on a continuum. (For example, I think "sexual orientation" occupies a continuum: any given person at a given point in their life falls somewhere on it, to my way of thinking.) Let's leave that, in and of itself, alone for the time being. Rather, for now, it should suffice to know that one of the continuum lenses through which I tend to view people's beliefs is that of optimism-pessimism.

Straight up: I'm biased against pervasive pessimism (cynicism). Granted, I do think pessimism makes sense, and has a very logical utility. Plainly, I think that pessimism is essentially a hedge against disappointment: it's a way of guarding oneself from the pain of an unfavorable outcome or development. It's a lot easier to move on from a failure, or from a negative development, if one assumes an attitude of expecting failures or negative developments from the get-go. And if something "good" does happen, it's a pleasant surprise; and even then, of course, the prevailing pessimism will prevent the person from letting their guard down in celebration *too* much.

I get it. I also get that people have very good reasons for developing such pessimism. But I think that, ultimately, pessimism is akin to the local crime syndicate offering a storekeeper "protection" for a price. The price, in this case, is multifaceted, and could probably warrant a separate essay unto itself. In sum, though, the price is an eroded ability to envision and entertain life's possibilities and, therefore, an eroded ability to honor and manifest one's unique gifts. It's really the latter thing there that bothers me. Why? Because I think we're here to learn, grow, and share our gifts with the world as best we can; and it bothers me when people unnecessarily (to my way of thinking) limit themselves.

There's another point I'd like to make about pessimism as a pervasive perspective: I think it's simply easier for people to identify reasons why they (or another) *can't* pursue a goal/dream/desire than it is to seek reasons why they (or another) *can.* Practiced with enough doggedness, such habits of thinking engender the routine use of words like "should" and "ought" with respect to hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and reasonable courses of action. And people often get into trouble when they set up unreasonably restrictive shoulds and oughts to govern their contemplative and action-taking processes.

It is my position that a tendency toward seeking reasons why one *can* pursue what they want or need -- i.e., an opportunity-focused perspective -- better-facilitates one's ability to access the motivation to pursue one's wants and needs. Furthermore, an opportunity-focused perspective does not deny the existence of obstacles, disappointments, and setbacks; rather, it allows for them, it reasonably accommodates them, and it ultimately enables a person to truly move on and reach higher.

Now, none of this is black-and-white, of course, and it is not intended to apply to all things. Taken too far, the perspective I am touting could lead to very destructive and harmful behavior. There are some things people should not do -- and I use the word "should" very intentionally here. I think the principle "do no harm" ought to rule the day, or at least be on one's personal Board of Directors. None of us are islands unto ourselves, and our actions do not exist in a vacuum. No, our actions affect others, and we have a responsibility to others by virtue of living in a society. On another note, I acknowledge that my perspective is biased: I am a White American Man, plain and simple. In theory anyway, I love the ideas of independence, individualism, and self-actualization. I've enjoyed the trappings and benefits of my circumstances, a fact which I happily own; and I acknowledge that my perspective may not be compatible with others'. But you know what? I think that much of what I'm saying is good and true, and my intentions are in service of well-being.

Thanks for reading.