A New Idea

Hey there! I had an idea after publishing my last post, "Feeling Good: Exercise and Mental Health." Namely, I should make a series out of it. I like that. There are so many disciplines and outlets that can aid one's mental health, and really just augment the quality of one's life overall. So be on the lookout for another installment, revolving around art.

Thanks!

Frustration

Ask someone with a chronic mental illness what it's like to live with it, and you'll probably hear -- among other responses -- that it's frustrating.

Many words are rightfully dedicated to the exploration of symptoms of various mental health problems, and coping strategies for the successful management thereof. After all, lots of people with mental illnesses need help learning about them. What is often overlooked in that sort of work, though, is the essential fact that it can be powerfully frustrating to live with a two-steps-forward, two-steps-back illness -- one that feels okay on some days and crippling on others. In that regard, as I recently pointed out, living with a chronic mental illness is no different than living with any other chronic illness, such as asthma, diabetes, or high blood pressure.

I digress -- let's stick with the frustration that can be felt by a person living with chronic mental illness(es).

A person struggling with their mental health can make great strides on one day, and feel as though they've uncovered the key to their ongoing wellness. Illumination can occur by way of almost anything: a thought; a sight; a sound; an interaction; a line or passage of text; a therapy session; a movie; a piece of art; an action.

And that same person can wake up the next day and discover that same key, which held so much meaning and importance yesterday, doesn't resonate today; moreover, they might discover, to their dismay, that they feel just as pained and confused and lost as ever.

How incredibly frustrating. It's easy, perhaps, to see how one could lose hope in view of such ruthless eradications of progress. We human animals are programmed to respond to, and learn from, stimuli, after all. We need positive reinforcement to see things through. In general, it's very difficult for us to favor long-term over short-term thinking. Think about it: it's why countless New Year's resolutions never come to pass; it's why so many people struggle with maintaining a nutritious diet; it's why impulse shopping is a problem for many people. We want positive feedback and results, and we want them right now.

So it goes with managing a mental illness. It's an ongoing process by nature, but we want to feel better, permanently, right now. And who can blame someone for wanting that, and for feeling that way? Not me. Mental illness can be torture.

And so, as with many things in life, mental illness isn't fair: those with the most immediate and pressing needs for comfort and peace are asked to be especially strong, patient, and diligent. 

It isn't fair, and it isn't kind, but it is a fact. 

A few more thoughts before I wrap up this post.

The various religions and mythologies of humankind have addressed these aspects of human suffering, which is important to remember, as they offer a wellspring of wisdom, guidance, and comfort. I'm going to pluck three examples off the top of my head from this vast repository -- of which most content I am, admittedly, ignorant. At any rate, the examples are 1) Shamans; 2) The Beatitudes (well, one in particular); and 3) an old Japanese proverb.

Please note it is not my intention to endorse or otherwise privilege any religion or belief system by selecting and discussing these examples.

1. You may know that the word "Shaman" is generally synonymous with "healer." What's interesting to me, though, is that a necessary precondition of being a shaman is to have experienced severe personal crisis. A shaman, then, is one who has been deeply wounded -- who has experienced, and possibly continues to experience, deep suffering. But the way through the crisis has endowed the shaman with skills of healing, which they then share with others.

2. The Beatitudes, according to Christian beliefs, were delivered by Jesus as a series of blessings and proclamations in his Sermon on the Mount. The one that comes to my mind is, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." What that means to me in view of this discussion of mental illness is this: the struggle can feel painful and hopeless and frustrating -- but it is worth it. Why? Because if you keep struggling, you will learn, on a level of extraordinary depth, what it means to suffer, to heal, to live -- and to serve yourself and others in your own particular way. 

3. If all that feels a little out of reach and esoteric, consider the third example I referred to -- the Japanese proverb. It is, simply, this: "Fall seven times, stand up eight." 

It Dawned on Me Today

I think it dawned on me today
I think I figured it out
How to choose happiness

How to pluck it from the flood of thoughts
How to choose it
As if I were selecting vegetables at the grocery store
Looking each one over
Returning the ones that don't suit me
Selecting the ones that do
And moving on

Deciding with each selection
That my happiness
My sense of joy
My sense of ease
My sense of wellness
That feeling of feeling good
Is the most important thing

Because if I don't
If I avoid the choice
Or if I choose the rotten vegetables
The ones that make me sick
The ones that hurt me
That make me believe I'm broken
And dark
Then I become Slave to my misery
Always in relation to my misery
Chained to my misery
Unable to see another way
Or the existence of anything but it

So today I choose something else
Today I choose to feel good
Today is the day I decided
I am pretty great, as a matter of fact

Yes I am

Video: A Truth About Chronic Mental Illness

Releasing the Grip of Anxiety: Acceptance & Compassion

I want to write about anxiety. First of all, everyone feels anxious periodically. It's part of caring about things, and it's part of being human. Like other emotional experiences, anxiety provides us with important feedback in a given situation. It's adaptive, it's necessary to our well-being, it's valuable, and it's good. There's nothing wrong with anxiety in and of itself.

Some of us, though, experience anxiety to a disruptive, invasive, and even debilitating extent. And of course, this can be an occasional experience, or a persistent one, or one that waxes and wanes, or one that eventually disappears altogether, etc. There's a lot of variation with it.

Anyway, how do we differentiate between normal/healthy anxiety and problematic anxiety? My view, in general terms, is that anxiety (or any experience, really) is an issue when it persistently, invasively interferes with one's ability to function in a personally satisfying way.

(Incidentally, my view is pretty common among mental health professionals, and it more or less jives with how the various mental health "disorders" are defined by the DSM-IV-TR, which is the clinical reference guide used by mental health professionals in the USA [and some other parts of the world].)

There are many so-called Anxiety Disorders in the DSM, and for brevity's sake, I will not discuss them all here. And besides, that's enough about the problem of anxiety -- let's move into a discussion of ideas and solutions.

I think anxiety's roots are in avoidance. That is NOT to say I think it is a person's "fault" for having a problem with anxiety -- not at all!! Here's the thing: I think we all want to feel good. So when something really bad happens to a person, they do the best they can to move on with their life. And sometimes that entails developing new sets of beliefs about themselves, and about life in general; and sometimes it also entails compartmentalizing or otherwise pushing aside one's thoughts and feelings.

That all makes sense, especially in view of our intuitive desire to feel good. "Avoidance," then, in this case, is about avoiding that which causes suffering. The problem, though, is that it doesn't really work -- at least, not when it comes to the often messy reality of our inner lives. That's what I meant when I posted this image a few weeks ago:

What disruptive anxiety "says" to me, then, is that the sufferer probably has some inner "stuff" they need to approach and consider in order to truly move on. In other words, one's past must be accepted and released before one can truly occupy the present in happiness and health.

I'll be straight-up with you: The process of approaching one's "stuff" is usually pretty scary and uncomfortable; and that can seem a little counter-intuitive, of course, seeing as how the ultimate goal is achieving a greater measure of peace. 

The thing is, that's okay. Sometimes, that which seems paradoxical conceals a deeper truth. 

Take it slow. Whether you choose to undertake the process on your own, or with another person's assistance (i.e., a counselor), make sure you're in a safe, secure place in which you feel as free as possible to express anything that comes up. Also, set an expectation for yourself that it won't necessarily be a linear, quick-fix process -- and setting that expectation is important, by the way, because it invokes the keys to release: Acceptance and Compassion.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that self-directed Acceptance and Compassion are ALWAYS harbingers of positive things to come in terms of peace, happiness, well-being, clarity, balance, and achievement. 

Here's the beautiful thing: we don't necessarily have to like something in order to accept it; and we don't necessarily have to agree with someone's actions in order to show them compassion. 

In other words, it's okay to say, "Wow, that thing that happened was really unpleasant. It was really painful. I really wish it hadn't happened." You can retain that basic attitude and still, at the end of the day, augment it with acceptance: "But it did happen. It happened. I survived it, and I'm sitting here right now."

We all have aspects of ourselves which we don't like. We've all done things we regret. We've all done things which, even today, make us feel sad and guilty to ponder. We've all done things in violation of our senses of right and wrong. And we've all had bad things done to us.

While that stuff isn't great, it doesn't mean we deserve to forever languish under the burden of displaced torment.

I firmly believe that we are all worthy of happiness and peace -- which means that we are worthy of acceptance, worthy of compassion, and worthy of forgiveness. 

After all, none of us is perfect. Let me repeat that (in all caps): NONE OF US IS PERFECT. (You might not like it, but you have to accept it.) What that means, in part, is that we periodically make big mistakes. Sometimes we screw up and hurt other people; sometimes other people screw up and hurt us.

The only thing to do is practice acceptance and compassion.

And it starts with us. It starts with each of us giving those things to ourselves, first and foremost. It starts with each of us being the kindest, most loving friend to ourselves that we can imagine. 

You, Dear Reader, are worth it. I know it in my bones. 

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you have an awesome day. 

Snapshot: From "A Certain 'F You' Sensibility

A Simple Way to Feel Better

An old acquaintance of mine who is in the military recently shared an insight on Facebook as to what has helped him become a calmer, happier, kinder person. This particular practice, he said, has proven more effective than any single method he had previously tried. So what is it? Drumroll please...

Exercise.

(Ok, I can practically see some of you rolling your eyes, having just read that. Bear with me.) Granted, the person I'm referring to indicated that his daily regime involves being pushed to physical exhaustion every day; and while that might be plausible for a person in the military, it's certainly less so for most of us. I'll go out on a limb and say it's also not really desirable for most of us. (It isn't for me, I'll tell you that.) Nevertheless, his insight -- the positive effects of exercise on one's mental health -- is valid for everyone.

Now, this isn't necessarily news to you, I'm sure. You've probably encountered a veritable media mountain of articles, news stories, and advertisements concerning the benefits of exercise. I'm throwing my hat in the ring, though, because I can tell you from personal experience that it's very, very true: physical exercise has a hugely positive impact on a person's mental health. Most of the stuff we read focuses on exercise's physical benefits, and maybe mentions mental health benefits as an afterthought or aside. No. I'm going to say that physical exercise has at least as important an impact on mental health as it does on physical health. It's that powerful an influence. (Need further proof? Exercise is often "prescribed" as a behavioral component of mental health therapy.)

Physical exercise can come in many forms. In other words, you don't have to join a gym, and you don't have to push yourself to exhaustion, to get its benefits. In fact, I've seen plenty of articles which suggest that even ten minutes of continuous, moderate physical activity can improve a person's mood. "Moderate activity" can mean a lot of different things. It can be achieved in things as simple and routine as a walk around the neighborhood or the grocery store or the mall, or in cleaning a room of your home. And of course, it can also be achieved via activities which are more traditionally thought of as "exercise," such as playing a sport, doing yoga, hiking, biking, jogging, swimming, etc.

I don't really like giving advice, per se, but I'm going to do it anyway: do something you enjoy. For me, I love taking walks, for example. I can't tell you how many times a simple, short walk has helped me gain clarity, relax, and simply feel better. I started with walking, and gradually have picked up several other activities I enjoy. It might sound simple, but for me, for whatever reason, it took me awhile to grasp it: I'm much more likely to exercise with regularity if I do something I enjoy. So it's a double benefit, you know? Doing a physical activity you enjoy will bring you immediate, positive feedback; and when you've completed it, you'll have the additional benefits of knowing you've done well by both your body and mind.

Have a good one!

The Mind-Body Link is a Thing, You Guys

The mind-body link. Holistic medicine and healing methods. Determining the root cause of the problem, not just treating the symptom. Macrobiotic, or vegetarian, or vegan, or raw foods diets-as-good for physical and mental health. Wheat grass. Whole grains. Clean diesel. Cars running on veggie oil. GMOs (genetically modified organisms). Eating organic food.

You've probably encountered similar-themed material; or perhaps you've had an uncomfortable conversation with a very passionate person (possibly wearing Birkenstocks or driving a Subaru [kidding...or am I?]) who demands you see the Truth of some nugget of We're-All-One pseudo-wisdom, plucked from the voluminous, postmodern currents of the hippie-liberal milieu.

If you haven't, then you're about to. Sort of.

Now, a little about me, for the sake of context. I haven't worn (or owned) Birkenstocks in a long time, and tie-dye T-shirts are no longer a staple of my wardrobe. My man-mane, i.e., my pony-tail, was long ago cut off in favor of a shorter coif. I have a half-sleeve tattoo on one arm, but, depending on how you met me, you probably wouldn't know it: I also really like professional, even conservative, attire (argyle is awesome, as are well-tailored suits). I'm rather well-spoken, deferential, and well-mannered. Suited up properly, I could almost certainly pass for an active member of the Young Republicans, or maybe a yacht club. And yet...

Ok, I'll give it a rest.

The point of my humor has been to acknowledge a critique of an ecological (i.e., one that embraces and attends to the interconnectedness of all things), or holistic perspective: that it tends to be espoused by the "intellectual, liberal elite," who themselves, in turn, could be said to have some affiliation with the, er, crunchier aspects of the movements, fads, and trends I listed above.

Be that as it may, there is plenty of data and research available that explore the link, or relationship, between the mind and the body. It may be said, actually, that they are far less separate than we tend to think of them as being -- or, indeed, that they are not "separate" at all.

Listen, here's the bottom line: the stuff we find our minds wandering about, and the stuff in our subconsciousness, and the stuff we direct our attention toward, and unresolved conflicts and childhood traumas and whatnot -- all of it affects our physical vessels, or, put another way, our physical well-being. Think about it: everyone knows there's a strong correlative link between stress and heart problems (to cite one example off the top of my head). Conversely, our physical vessels affect the processes, functioning, and health of our minds -- our mental health. Think about that for a second, and all it implies. You've probably heard about or experienced a most basic example of this principle: that exercise -- even light exercise -- can help improve a bad mood. Or think about the saying, "you are what you eat." It's kind of true, even in view of what I'm discussing. An overabundance of fried food, for example, tends to lead to a pretty icky, lethargic feeling. You might feel sleepy, unresponsive, slow-witted, etc. You get the point.

Or maybe you don't. Need some further proof, or food for thought? Check out the abstract of an article entitled, "Breakfast and Mental Health" from the International Journal of Food Sciences and Nutrition (Vol. 49, Issue 5). In all fairness, the article is older (1998), and the relationships (as the abstract clearly delineates) are correlative, not causal; additionally, there obviously exist mediating and moderating variables which affect participants' mental health (the abstract addresses that, too). Regardless, there's a demonstrable positive relationship between breakfast consumption (of cereal, in this study) and good mental health.

There are lots of studies about this topic. I encourage you to investigate it yourself. And I encourage you, as you seek to maintain good health, or to improve your health, to take the mind-body relationship into account.

Trust a hippie who knows. :)

Awesome Web Resource: HealthyPlace.com

This link will take you to a great online mental health resource called HealthyPlace. (They're also present on Facebook and Twitter.) The site is a comprehensive repository of up-to-date information on a variety of mental health issues and their respective diagnostic criteria, common symptoms, treatment options, and resources for further assistance. It also gets my major kudos for explicitly interweaving diversity considerations throughout the site. There's also an extensive blog network to explore.

Enjoy!

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.: 7 Ways to Train the Self-Care Habit

It didn't occur to me until now that I might use this space to link to others' content. This is a great little article on self-care:

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.: 7 Ways to Train the Self-Care Habit

The Adaptive Nature of Emotions

As the title suggests, our emotions have an adaptive nature. That is, they have utility and purpose -- or, rather, they can have utility and purpose if we allow ourselves to see them that way. To paraphrase one of my former teachers, it can be helpful to conceptualize emotions as messengers, and to ask the question, "what is this feeling trying to communicate to me?" After all, emotions do not simply occur; they do not, like the cheese, stand alone. Emotions exist in relationship to our conscious and subconscious thoughts, hopes, goals, expectations, etc., and to our physical circumstances. Thus, it can be difficult, and even futile, to parse out our emotions in service of determining their origin, as they are likely tangled up with a lot of other stuff. But it can be very helpful and grounding to seek out what they're trying to tell us. 

I'll use myself as an example. I'm looking for work, and it's a slow process. It's frustrating, in fact. I periodically find myself sighing, shaking my head, feeling tense, etc. as I search for jobs. So I take a step back and ask, "what is my frustration communicating to me?" In this case, the answer is pretty simple: I want a job, and I want one now; and since I don't have one now, I want the rest of my search to be easy and quick. Expectations and Desires, meet Reality. It is helpful for me to recognize this, because it tells me 1) I should, for my own peace of mind, adjust my expectations, and 2) give myself props for knowing and pursuing what I want.

Persistence

Persistence is good, right? It's the term we give to that certain quality of doggedly moving ever forward, come what may, toward one's goal. Persistence is necessary to achieve goals, because obstacles, or seeming-disincentives to proceed, can and do arise. And we humans, animals that we are, tend to have to will ourselves to favor the long-term over the short-term. In other words, we're rolling in this game with loaded dice: we're wired for pleasure and gratification! Ask any behaviorist out there: we learn, by way of conditioning and reinforcement, how to respond and what to do in given situations. And if we're doing something that brings us periodic, sometimes unpredictable disappointment, discomfort, or pain, our initial impulse may be to stop doing that something.

And so, to get what is not immediately within our grasp, we need persistence.

Now, remember my jag in the previous post about continua? Here, too, I am hesitant to label persistence as, simply, "good." I think it's definitely much farther along toward the "good" side than the "bad," granted, but it's important for us to remember, when endeavoring to achieve, that we must always of necessity make room in our lives for the things we want to get -- and the process and practice of making room for things can be difficult at times. After all, it requires that we disrupt the status quo and seek a new balance. Sometimes this requires others' cooperation, which is where things can get especially tricky, and require even more persistence (i.e., we don't always share an agenda with the key stakeholders of our lives: our partners, friends, family, etc.).

You get the gist.

When pursuing your goal, be willing to make room for it, be willing to grow, and be willing to tolerate some possible discomfort along the way. But know that discomfort, in and of itself, isn't necessarily "bad." Depending on the context, discomfort can be in service of cultivating a deeper contentedness. Think of someone who wants to get in shape, for example. Maybe they go to the gym, or maybe they take up jogging or mountain biking. Whatever they choose will involve some temporary discomfort. Ultimately, however, the satisfaction derived from getting in shape -- i.e., the achievement and manifestation of one's goals -- far outweighs any discomfort which occurred along the way.

So: Be persistent. It's worth it.

Beliefs, and Pessimism<----->Optimism

I think that our beliefs about ourselves and our external reality (i.e., the world), whether based in fact or fiction, or rational or irrational processes, go a long way toward determining the course of our lives. These beliefs, if not at the very core of our mind-oriented processes, are embedded deep enough within us as to usually be implicit; that is, these beliefs occupy a domain which usually lies outside our conscious processes, thereby influencing our conscious processes from some deeper, somewhat murky position. (Apologies to Freud and his disciples.)

In general, I'm very interested in the nature of people's beliefs as a point of interest. But beliefs become, to my way of thinking, a potentially very important focal point for consideration if a person is having difficulty in their life. Now, it's important, perhaps, for you to know that I tend to view many aspects of existence and behavior as being on a continuum. (For example, I think "sexual orientation" occupies a continuum: any given person at a given point in their life falls somewhere on it, to my way of thinking.) Let's leave that, in and of itself, alone for the time being. Rather, for now, it should suffice to know that one of the continuum lenses through which I tend to view people's beliefs is that of optimism-pessimism.

Straight up: I'm biased against pervasive pessimism (cynicism). Granted, I do think pessimism makes sense, and has a very logical utility. Plainly, I think that pessimism is essentially a hedge against disappointment: it's a way of guarding oneself from the pain of an unfavorable outcome or development. It's a lot easier to move on from a failure, or from a negative development, if one assumes an attitude of expecting failures or negative developments from the get-go. And if something "good" does happen, it's a pleasant surprise; and even then, of course, the prevailing pessimism will prevent the person from letting their guard down in celebration *too* much.

I get it. I also get that people have very good reasons for developing such pessimism. But I think that, ultimately, pessimism is akin to the local crime syndicate offering a storekeeper "protection" for a price. The price, in this case, is multifaceted, and could probably warrant a separate essay unto itself. In sum, though, the price is an eroded ability to envision and entertain life's possibilities and, therefore, an eroded ability to honor and manifest one's unique gifts. It's really the latter thing there that bothers me. Why? Because I think we're here to learn, grow, and share our gifts with the world as best we can; and it bothers me when people unnecessarily (to my way of thinking) limit themselves.

There's another point I'd like to make about pessimism as a pervasive perspective: I think it's simply easier for people to identify reasons why they (or another) *can't* pursue a goal/dream/desire than it is to seek reasons why they (or another) *can.* Practiced with enough doggedness, such habits of thinking engender the routine use of words like "should" and "ought" with respect to hopes, dreams, wants, needs, and reasonable courses of action. And people often get into trouble when they set up unreasonably restrictive shoulds and oughts to govern their contemplative and action-taking processes.

It is my position that a tendency toward seeking reasons why one *can* pursue what they want or need -- i.e., an opportunity-focused perspective -- better-facilitates one's ability to access the motivation to pursue one's wants and needs. Furthermore, an opportunity-focused perspective does not deny the existence of obstacles, disappointments, and setbacks; rather, it allows for them, it reasonably accommodates them, and it ultimately enables a person to truly move on and reach higher.

Now, none of this is black-and-white, of course, and it is not intended to apply to all things. Taken too far, the perspective I am touting could lead to very destructive and harmful behavior. There are some things people should not do -- and I use the word "should" very intentionally here. I think the principle "do no harm" ought to rule the day, or at least be on one's personal Board of Directors. None of us are islands unto ourselves, and our actions do not exist in a vacuum. No, our actions affect others, and we have a responsibility to others by virtue of living in a society. On another note, I acknowledge that my perspective is biased: I am a White American Man, plain and simple. In theory anyway, I love the ideas of independence, individualism, and self-actualization. I've enjoyed the trappings and benefits of my circumstances, a fact which I happily own; and I acknowledge that my perspective may not be compatible with others'. But you know what? I think that much of what I'm saying is good and true, and my intentions are in service of well-being.

Thanks for reading.