I have a few questions for you...

I have a few questions I'm interested in hearing my readers' responses to regarding thoughts. For the purposes of this post, feel free to use whatever definition of the word "thoughts" you use, and write your answers in the comment section below. I don't have a specific agenda with your responses, although I may, of course, be inspired to write a follow-up post on this subject which may take your responses into consideration. Unless you indicate otherwise, I will NOT use your names or user IDs in such a post; nor will I quote you directly. Thanks!! The questions are below the break:

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How much, or how little, do you identify with your thoughts?

How much value do you place on your thoughts?

How much do you rely on your thoughts for guidance?

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Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.: 7 Ways to Train the Self-Care Habit

It didn't occur to me until now that I might use this space to link to others' content. This is a great little article on self-care:

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.: 7 Ways to Train the Self-Care Habit

The Adaptive Nature of Emotions

As the title suggests, our emotions have an adaptive nature. That is, they have utility and purpose -- or, rather, they can have utility and purpose if we allow ourselves to see them that way. To paraphrase one of my former teachers, it can be helpful to conceptualize emotions as messengers, and to ask the question, "what is this feeling trying to communicate to me?" After all, emotions do not simply occur; they do not, like the cheese, stand alone. Emotions exist in relationship to our conscious and subconscious thoughts, hopes, goals, expectations, etc., and to our physical circumstances. Thus, it can be difficult, and even futile, to parse out our emotions in service of determining their origin, as they are likely tangled up with a lot of other stuff. But it can be very helpful and grounding to seek out what they're trying to tell us. 

I'll use myself as an example. I'm looking for work, and it's a slow process. It's frustrating, in fact. I periodically find myself sighing, shaking my head, feeling tense, etc. as I search for jobs. So I take a step back and ask, "what is my frustration communicating to me?" In this case, the answer is pretty simple: I want a job, and I want one now; and since I don't have one now, I want the rest of my search to be easy and quick. Expectations and Desires, meet Reality. It is helpful for me to recognize this, because it tells me 1) I should, for my own peace of mind, adjust my expectations, and 2) give myself props for knowing and pursuing what I want.

Views and Points, and Points of View

I was out for a walk around my neighborhood with someone the other evening, and we strolled by a small, three-or-so-story office building. Since it was getting dark outside, it was easy to see through one of the windows into an illuminated room. There was movement inside that caught our attentions, and we both stole a look as we walked by. My initial glance made me laugh, because my brain had very obviously not accurately perceived the scene inside. (I'll refrain from disclosing what I thought I saw. Suffice to say it was 'haha' worthy at the time.) At any rate, my walking companion, it turns out, had perceived something else entirely in those brief passing moments -- something, it would seem, that was closer to the reality of what was actually happening in the room. I, on the other hand, had seen the same details, but my senses and perception had conspired to compose an entirely different scenario of what we were seeing.

Aside from providing unsolicited insight into the strange little workings of my mind, the difference in our conclusions is revealing, and has broad implications regarding "reality." I am not a philosophical scholar, so I won't embarrass myself by attempting to discuss the minutiae of the nature of reality -- others have done that for centuries. For my purposes now, I'll just take it as a given that, to us humans, reality is a thing we perceive to be so. There may be an Objective Reality out there, but we haven't found it yet; so again, reality is a thing we perceive to be so.

Many of us agree on certain definitions of things as to make life, generally speaking, more synchronous. Language is one such thing, for example: we agree to use certain symbols in certain sequences as to indicate concepts, objects, people, etc., and we construct our mutually agreed-upon reality around that; i.e., you know what I mean (more or less, anyway) when I say the words "air conditioner." Usually, in a casual interaction, one person can mention an air conditioner and proceed without having to really explain what, exactly, they mean when they say "air conditioner." This is why it's so interesting to me when two people look at literally the same thing and yet see two completely different things. When the agreed-upon concept suddenly isn't agreed-upon; or when one party, fully invested in and believing their perception of a thing or event or concept or whatever, realizes that the other party sees things differently, there is confusion and mystery.

There are many paths we could take at this juncture of the discussion, of course, but this blog is about mental health. What implications, then, does all of this stuff have for mental health? Well, there are many, which is pretty much my point. We each attach meaning to the events of our lives. We endow people, objects, and even ourselves with certain characteristics, and we label them as such; moreover, we tend to attach to these definitions and deem them to be capital-t Truth. The work of psychological maintenance and upkeep, then, often requires that we re-examine these supposed Truths, and open ourselves to the possibility that there might just be other, equally valid ways of defining, or looking at, things. Just as it's unwise to tighten a screw too much for fear of stripping its head, so is it (often) problematic when we get too rigid and inflexible -- i.e., too tight -- with our Truths. A too-rigid Truth construct can lead to myriad problems. Why? Well, if one tends to view Truth in terms of all-or-nothing, black-and-white terms, indicated by statements such as, "he's a bad person!", then one neglects the gray areas -- the uncertainty -- which seems to characterize this earthly existence in actuality. How else could there be so much variation in our versions of Truth? What is life but a mystery, after all?

Persistence

Persistence is good, right? It's the term we give to that certain quality of doggedly moving ever forward, come what may, toward one's goal. Persistence is necessary to achieve goals, because obstacles, or seeming-disincentives to proceed, can and do arise. And we humans, animals that we are, tend to have to will ourselves to favor the long-term over the short-term. In other words, we're rolling in this game with loaded dice: we're wired for pleasure and gratification! Ask any behaviorist out there: we learn, by way of conditioning and reinforcement, how to respond and what to do in given situations. And if we're doing something that brings us periodic, sometimes unpredictable disappointment, discomfort, or pain, our initial impulse may be to stop doing that something.

And so, to get what is not immediately within our grasp, we need persistence.

Now, remember my jag in the previous post about continua? Here, too, I am hesitant to label persistence as, simply, "good." I think it's definitely much farther along toward the "good" side than the "bad," granted, but it's important for us to remember, when endeavoring to achieve, that we must always of necessity make room in our lives for the things we want to get -- and the process and practice of making room for things can be difficult at times. After all, it requires that we disrupt the status quo and seek a new balance. Sometimes this requires others' cooperation, which is where things can get especially tricky, and require even more persistence (i.e., we don't always share an agenda with the key stakeholders of our lives: our partners, friends, family, etc.).

You get the gist.

When pursuing your goal, be willing to make room for it, be willing to grow, and be willing to tolerate some possible discomfort along the way. But know that discomfort, in and of itself, isn't necessarily "bad." Depending on the context, discomfort can be in service of cultivating a deeper contentedness. Think of someone who wants to get in shape, for example. Maybe they go to the gym, or maybe they take up jogging or mountain biking. Whatever they choose will involve some temporary discomfort. Ultimately, however, the satisfaction derived from getting in shape -- i.e., the achievement and manifestation of one's goals -- far outweighs any discomfort which occurred along the way.

So: Be persistent. It's worth it.