Thursday, April 17, 2014

What I'm Working on Today

Today, my intention is to stay present. I notice that my attention often follows my thoughts, and that I otherwise retreat inward. And so today, I am revisiting mindfulness; I am revisiting the experience of consciously occupying the present moment.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Fear About New Things

Over the past week or two, I've found myself grappling with a question. Actually, it's a few questions (are you surprised?). I can't really state them concisely, because they're existential. Suffice to say they concern my career, and my beliefs about myself and the part I am meant to play in this lifetime.

These are big questions. And yet, their answer symbolically hinges on a series of comparatively minor decisions I will soon make about taking a few classes. 

So what's the big deal? Well, I'm afraid. Irrational though it may be, I'm afraid that pursuing a new education could take me away from myself. I'm afraid that it's incompatible with my self-concept, my strengths, and even my old senses of right/wrong, good/bad, selfless/selfish, etc.

I may be right: the new education may be incompatible with those things. The problem is, I can't help but feel an interest in this new pursuit. It's intriguing to me. 

So maybe this is another step, you know? The processes of growth, change, and exploration quite necessarily require one to venture into previously unexplored territory. I suppose that's what this is.

What a fascinating and humble lesson this is. I think I fancy myself an old pro at being able to handle change, and to accept new challenges, ideas, and realities; and yet now, presented with a new endeavor, I quake. 

Fear is a powerful force! For my part, in this situation, I think the thing to do is acknowledge it, account for it and its effect on me, and, ultimately, ignore it.