I think most of us probably have at least a few "pet peeves." You know, those things that...just...get...under...your...skin and drive you up a wall.
One of my pet peeves is when I have to wait because of technology. It drives me nuts. For example, I get really annoyed when a computer I'm working on suddenly freezes up, even if it's only for five or ten seconds. Or, if my phone crashes, or is simply unresponsive for a few seconds. Or, if the batteries run out of my cordless mouse at work.
Those things might seem petty. Actually, they ARE petty -- none of those things is a Big Deal, but they annoy the crap out of me nonetheless.
On one hand, the fact that I get annoyed about certain inconsequential things is not a big deal. As I mentioned, I think most of us probably have our list of otherwise silly little things that tick us off. On the other hand, I feel like it's a pretty big waste of my energy to get all upset over these things. Aside from that, I don't do anything good for myself by letting those annoyances get the best of me: I'm pretty sure my blood pressure goes up, cortisol is released into my bloodstream, and my bad habit of getting angry gets reinforced. And to top it all off, it's really unpleasant for those around me.
Thus, I've decided it's something I can pay some attention to -- I can work to change my response to these annoyances.
My back is bothering me, and so I'm working from home today on my laptop, which is a few years old. It hadn't been booted up in a week or so, and it took some time to finish configuring, because oh yeah, I forgot it had to install those Windows updates, and then it did this weird loop back into reconfiguring itself, and then...I could feel myself getting pissed off about it: THIS IS SO ANNOYING!!
Then I noticed myself having that response, and it was like letting air out of an overly full balloon. Instant relaxation. Then, on cue, a simple thought passed through my mind: "Maybe try just sitting and waiting for the computer to finish doing what it needs to do."
So I did. I folded my hands and waited. That was it. There was no anger, no frustration...just...waiting. It was strange to feel the absence of anger in the face of such a familiar, negative stimulus, but there I was. I had freed myself from my self-imposed prison of anger.
I know I'll have to focus on letting myself out of prison over and over again before it becomes second nature, but I'll get there. And for the time being, anyway, it was progress!
And progress felt great.
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
A Certain "F You" Sensibility
(This post contains some adult language.)
I can't remember if I've ever mentioned it here, but I studied theater in college with an emphasis in acting. (In fact, I went on to pursue a career in theater for a few years after I graduated, but that's a story for another time.)
It was really difficult.
Before you start laughing ("Haha -- I studied engineering; you have no idea what "difficult" is), know that an intensive study of acting basically equates to human behavior boot camp. Learning how to "live truthfully within imaginary circumstances" (Sanford Mesiner's definition of acting), i.e., live onstage -- in the moment, natural, free, listening, focusing, responding, speaking, etc. -- while other people are watching you, is a very difficult task. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it entails learning how to be a person all over again, from the most basic tasks, such as walking, on up.
As you might imagine, learning how to act is a process unique to each person. We each have our own learned restrictions, both conscious and subconscious, which stand in the way of the kind of truthful living required of a person when they're acting. Many of those restrictions are there for good reason in day-to-day life. But if you're going to be an actor, you have to be willing to face them, break them down, and proceed in spite of them.
That's a tall order, believe me. Letting go of defense mechanisms is really scary. After all, they're called defense mechanisms for a reason: they're in place to ostensibly protect us from vulnerability and danger.
The revelatory part, though, is that this frightening process of constantly letting go of your defenses eventually teaches you that you are far stronger than you had ever previously imagined. That's a very cool thing to realize. And it's empowering, furthermore, because you begin to realize that, hey, maybe I don't need to carry all these defenses around with me; maybe I can be more selective with them.
Maybe, by letting go, I'm actually opening the door to being in greater control of myself.
That's awesome. That right there is real self-awareness, mindfulness, and control.
The path to letting go is not smooth and straight. It's a bumpy road, with lots of switchbacks and intersections. You've got to buckle up and be willing to stick with it, and have patience. It's a tall order.
Many of my acting classes were very Socratic in the sense that they involved a lot of dialogue between the students and the professor. In one class in particular, the dialogue largely concerned identifying defense mechanisms and the do-able process of moving beyond them. I remember my professor saying to us, "It takes a certain 'fuck you' attitude. You're saying 'fuck you' to your fears: your fear of what will happen if you let go; and your fear of others' judgment."
It was a powerful statement. Little did I know at the time, it contained a wisdom which transcends acting and applies to many of our struggles in life. For example, many people have a hard time being assertive. And when they decide to give assertiveness a shot, they feel anxious and out of control -- as if they're being aggressive, in fact. The truth of the matter, though, is that their emotional barometer isn't on point: it's fogged up by their fear. So what feels like aggression is simply fear trying to maintain its grip, and keep the person from doing something new.
If there's an aspect of your life you want to change, or if there's something you want to let go, or if you want to behave differently in some regard, take heed. Know that the restriction which is keeping you from doing what you actually want to do is nothing more than fear. Most of the time, the fear is simply a byproduct of old hurts, and is not applicable to your present circumstances. Tell the fear, "Fuck you, you can't keep me from being the person I want to be," and leap into action.
It'll be scary, but it'll be worth it. And with practice, you'll find that it gets easier, and that your courageousness takes flight.
I can't remember if I've ever mentioned it here, but I studied theater in college with an emphasis in acting. (In fact, I went on to pursue a career in theater for a few years after I graduated, but that's a story for another time.)
It was really difficult.
Before you start laughing ("Haha -- I studied engineering; you have no idea what "difficult" is), know that an intensive study of acting basically equates to human behavior boot camp. Learning how to "live truthfully within imaginary circumstances" (Sanford Mesiner's definition of acting), i.e., live onstage -- in the moment, natural, free, listening, focusing, responding, speaking, etc. -- while other people are watching you, is a very difficult task. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it entails learning how to be a person all over again, from the most basic tasks, such as walking, on up.
As you might imagine, learning how to act is a process unique to each person. We each have our own learned restrictions, both conscious and subconscious, which stand in the way of the kind of truthful living required of a person when they're acting. Many of those restrictions are there for good reason in day-to-day life. But if you're going to be an actor, you have to be willing to face them, break them down, and proceed in spite of them.
That's a tall order, believe me. Letting go of defense mechanisms is really scary. After all, they're called defense mechanisms for a reason: they're in place to ostensibly protect us from vulnerability and danger.
The revelatory part, though, is that this frightening process of constantly letting go of your defenses eventually teaches you that you are far stronger than you had ever previously imagined. That's a very cool thing to realize. And it's empowering, furthermore, because you begin to realize that, hey, maybe I don't need to carry all these defenses around with me; maybe I can be more selective with them.
Maybe, by letting go, I'm actually opening the door to being in greater control of myself.
That's awesome. That right there is real self-awareness, mindfulness, and control.
The path to letting go is not smooth and straight. It's a bumpy road, with lots of switchbacks and intersections. You've got to buckle up and be willing to stick with it, and have patience. It's a tall order.
Many of my acting classes were very Socratic in the sense that they involved a lot of dialogue between the students and the professor. In one class in particular, the dialogue largely concerned identifying defense mechanisms and the do-able process of moving beyond them. I remember my professor saying to us, "It takes a certain 'fuck you' attitude. You're saying 'fuck you' to your fears: your fear of what will happen if you let go; and your fear of others' judgment."
It was a powerful statement. Little did I know at the time, it contained a wisdom which transcends acting and applies to many of our struggles in life. For example, many people have a hard time being assertive. And when they decide to give assertiveness a shot, they feel anxious and out of control -- as if they're being aggressive, in fact. The truth of the matter, though, is that their emotional barometer isn't on point: it's fogged up by their fear. So what feels like aggression is simply fear trying to maintain its grip, and keep the person from doing something new.
If there's an aspect of your life you want to change, or if there's something you want to let go, or if you want to behave differently in some regard, take heed. Know that the restriction which is keeping you from doing what you actually want to do is nothing more than fear. Most of the time, the fear is simply a byproduct of old hurts, and is not applicable to your present circumstances. Tell the fear, "Fuck you, you can't keep me from being the person I want to be," and leap into action.
It'll be scary, but it'll be worth it. And with practice, you'll find that it gets easier, and that your courageousness takes flight.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Guerrilla Tactics in Battling Depression, Part 2
I really don't feel like writing at the moment. We're in the middle of another single-digit-temperatures cold snap; I can't seem to get warm no matter how many layers I wear; my dog is tireless and won't leave me alone for more than a couple minutes; she woke me up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and I wasn't able to get decent sleep last night as a result; there are a million things to do at home; this weekend was filled with frustrations; and the impatient, angry mood I've been managing lately has intensified over the last few days. Good times. I'm at the point where I want everything, and everyone who gets in my way, to f*&k off.
Okay. I've clearly escalated. I'm not sure "f&*k-ing off," or isolating myself, is A) feasible at the moment, and, moreover, B) what will actually do me some good.
You see, I want to get away from all that stuff: I'm feeling, and have been feeling, like life is kicking me around a bit, and, moreover, as if I've had no control. It's natural and normal to want to get away from that kind of discomfort -- it's indicative of an important learning tool, as a matter of fact. Think about it: from infancy, if you touch something hot, you reflexively withdraw your hand. If you stub your toe, you yell "ow!" and stop what you're doing until you've made sure your toe is still attached to your foot. Over time, you learn to not touch things that are hot, and you learn to be more careful about walking into stuff.
Interestingly, the same principle applies with psychological discomfort, and again, it's not "bad." To illustrate my point: from infancy through childhood, when we're upset about something, our caretaker(s) give us comfort. We learn, then, to seek comfort when we're upset; and, by extension, we learn / teach ourselves to avoid discomfort and pain. While these are natural, normal aspects of human development and behavior, that last bit, avoidance, can be problematic.
I worked in a facility with a psychologist, a self-described Behaviorist, who ascribed to the theory that avoidance is at the root of most psychological problems -- depression and anxiety among them. I have to say, it makes a lot of sense. From this perspective, depression and anxiety are viewed as learned behaviors, and as defense mechanisms, moreover, against some experience, thought, feeling, etc. that is believed, by the sufferer, to be unacceptable, and to be avoided at all costs. And what a cost, indeed.
While I wouldn't classify myself as depressed at the moment, my behaviors -- thoughts and feelings are behaviors -- are currently governed by the same principles of avoidance. What I've found is that it's often helpful to jump right into the things I find myself wanting to avoid. So I feel the impulse to get away from the stuff I have to do around the house? Okay, do the stuff around the house. I wish: it weren't cold / my dog wasn't crazy / she hadn't woken me up last night / the weekend hadn't been frustrating, etc. Okay, take a breath, acknowledge that those things DID happen (are happening), and that I cannot retroactively do anything about them; acknowledge that those things sucked and I'd rather they hadn't happened; chuckle sardonically, say "f&*k it, I survived," and proceed.
To Be Continued...
PS -- Even though I didn't want to write when I started this post, I'm now really glad I did. Also, my dog settled down for a nap right after I started writing. :)
Okay. I've clearly escalated. I'm not sure "f&*k-ing off," or isolating myself, is A) feasible at the moment, and, moreover, B) what will actually do me some good.
You see, I want to get away from all that stuff: I'm feeling, and have been feeling, like life is kicking me around a bit, and, moreover, as if I've had no control. It's natural and normal to want to get away from that kind of discomfort -- it's indicative of an important learning tool, as a matter of fact. Think about it: from infancy, if you touch something hot, you reflexively withdraw your hand. If you stub your toe, you yell "ow!" and stop what you're doing until you've made sure your toe is still attached to your foot. Over time, you learn to not touch things that are hot, and you learn to be more careful about walking into stuff.
Interestingly, the same principle applies with psychological discomfort, and again, it's not "bad." To illustrate my point: from infancy through childhood, when we're upset about something, our caretaker(s) give us comfort. We learn, then, to seek comfort when we're upset; and, by extension, we learn / teach ourselves to avoid discomfort and pain. While these are natural, normal aspects of human development and behavior, that last bit, avoidance, can be problematic.
I worked in a facility with a psychologist, a self-described Behaviorist, who ascribed to the theory that avoidance is at the root of most psychological problems -- depression and anxiety among them. I have to say, it makes a lot of sense. From this perspective, depression and anxiety are viewed as learned behaviors, and as defense mechanisms, moreover, against some experience, thought, feeling, etc. that is believed, by the sufferer, to be unacceptable, and to be avoided at all costs. And what a cost, indeed.
While I wouldn't classify myself as depressed at the moment, my behaviors -- thoughts and feelings are behaviors -- are currently governed by the same principles of avoidance. What I've found is that it's often helpful to jump right into the things I find myself wanting to avoid. So I feel the impulse to get away from the stuff I have to do around the house? Okay, do the stuff around the house. I wish: it weren't cold / my dog wasn't crazy / she hadn't woken me up last night / the weekend hadn't been frustrating, etc. Okay, take a breath, acknowledge that those things DID happen (are happening), and that I cannot retroactively do anything about them; acknowledge that those things sucked and I'd rather they hadn't happened; chuckle sardonically, say "f&*k it, I survived," and proceed.
To Be Continued...
PS -- Even though I didn't want to write when I started this post, I'm now really glad I did. Also, my dog settled down for a nap right after I started writing. :)
Saturday, August 25, 2012
A Human Rights Issue
The following post will be the first of many (I'm sure) about depression and stigma. Though I haven't contacted her to ask permission to do so, I am using Allie Brosh as an illustrative example here. Ms. Brosh is the author of a widely followed and hilarious webcomic-blog entitled, "Hyperbole and a Half" (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/). I feel okay about using her as an example here because A) she made her story public and freely available online, and B) I am linking to her related content to let it speak for itself. Check it out:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Hyperbole-and-a-half+%28Hyperbole-And-A-Half%29
What's my point in sharing this with you? Well, first and foremost, I think it's vitally important to challenge -- and seek to debunk -- the many stigmas and false notions associated with mental health issues, including depression. Ms. Brosh did a very brave thing by self-disclosing her struggle with depression, especially since she surely knew her post would be read closely by thousands of people. She also surely knew that any conclusions about her and her content, once published, would be beyond her control, and in the hands of the masses, for better and worse. Do a quick Google search, and you'll notice there are quite a few posts and questions and comments about her depression -- the mill has been spinning.
Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-injury, schizophrenia, personality disorders, PTSD, mania, hypomania, addictions, etc. etc. etc. just ARE. They do not denote a deficiency in character. One who experiences these disorders cannot simply "snap out of it." It's not a thing to be laughed at. Like all other human experiences, it is to be viewed through a lens of compassion.
There's a certain paranoid humor that's commonly shared among students and practitioners who have familiarized themselves with diagnostic criteria for mental health disorders; namely, the symptoms of the disorders are personally recognizable in each of us. If you look back at my post about behavior occurring on a continuum, you'll understand my way of thinking about why this is the case. Sadness, elation, hyperactivity, anxiety, doubt, confusion, paranoia, disorientation, passive-aggressiveness, obsessiveness, poor decision-making, and irrational beliefs, feelings, and behaviors are all things that perfectly "healthy," "normal" (haha) people all experience periodically. You, dear reader, experience these things periodically. So if you get the chance, crack open a DSM-IVtr and notice how quickly you recognize many of the symptoms and signs of XYZ disorder within yourself. Pun intended: it's really crazy.
Here's the kicker about all that: if you can acknowledge that you experience those things sometimes, you can begin to understand mental health "disorders"; and this means that you can show yourself and your brethren some respect when they exhibit the signs thereof. And you can relax, then, and be accepting, and kind, and compassionate, and helpful. Life can be difficult, you guys. Our systems of government, structures of society, and acceptable social behavior standards simply aren't a natural fit for all 7 or so billion of us here on planet earth. Open your mind if it's closed. Fight against stigma; fight against cruelty; fight against unfair, discriminatory policies: it's a human rights issue.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Hyperbole-and-a-half+%28Hyperbole-And-A-Half%29
What's my point in sharing this with you? Well, first and foremost, I think it's vitally important to challenge -- and seek to debunk -- the many stigmas and false notions associated with mental health issues, including depression. Ms. Brosh did a very brave thing by self-disclosing her struggle with depression, especially since she surely knew her post would be read closely by thousands of people. She also surely knew that any conclusions about her and her content, once published, would be beyond her control, and in the hands of the masses, for better and worse. Do a quick Google search, and you'll notice there are quite a few posts and questions and comments about her depression -- the mill has been spinning.
Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-injury, schizophrenia, personality disorders, PTSD, mania, hypomania, addictions, etc. etc. etc. just ARE. They do not denote a deficiency in character. One who experiences these disorders cannot simply "snap out of it." It's not a thing to be laughed at. Like all other human experiences, it is to be viewed through a lens of compassion.
There's a certain paranoid humor that's commonly shared among students and practitioners who have familiarized themselves with diagnostic criteria for mental health disorders; namely, the symptoms of the disorders are personally recognizable in each of us. If you look back at my post about behavior occurring on a continuum, you'll understand my way of thinking about why this is the case. Sadness, elation, hyperactivity, anxiety, doubt, confusion, paranoia, disorientation, passive-aggressiveness, obsessiveness, poor decision-making, and irrational beliefs, feelings, and behaviors are all things that perfectly "healthy," "normal" (haha) people all experience periodically. You, dear reader, experience these things periodically. So if you get the chance, crack open a DSM-IVtr and notice how quickly you recognize many of the symptoms and signs of XYZ disorder within yourself. Pun intended: it's really crazy.
Here's the kicker about all that: if you can acknowledge that you experience those things sometimes, you can begin to understand mental health "disorders"; and this means that you can show yourself and your brethren some respect when they exhibit the signs thereof. And you can relax, then, and be accepting, and kind, and compassionate, and helpful. Life can be difficult, you guys. Our systems of government, structures of society, and acceptable social behavior standards simply aren't a natural fit for all 7 or so billion of us here on planet earth. Open your mind if it's closed. Fight against stigma; fight against cruelty; fight against unfair, discriminatory policies: it's a human rights issue.
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